When It “Pains” It Pours-Dealing With Grief Overload–Guest Blog Post by Patty Schulz

In the time frame between December 2015 until just last week, (August 2018) the amount of loss in my world has been totally overwhelming.

It started with two of my elderly uncles who passed away within a week of each other between Christmas and New Year’s. They were both in nursing homes and it wasn’t a shock, but it was certainly stressful for my dad who lost his last two living brothers within a week of each other. Dad is the youngest of nine children and is now down to only one sister and himself living from his family.

A little over two months later, in the beginning of March 2016, my younger brother passed away after struggling with alcoholism for many years. He was only 47 years old at the time and left behind three children, all in their 20’s, to grieve the loss of their father. Not to mention my mom losing her son, my dad losing his son (while he was still grieving the loss of his brothers and my brother), and myself losing our baby brother and third musketeer.

In November of 2016 my husband’s cousin, who was only 21, passed away after a battle with cancer. It was a tragic loss for this young lady to be taken from us so soon. She was a kind, beautiful girl who had so much to live for.

Then, a few months later, I don’t remember the exact date…almost a blur at this point… my husband’s grandpa passed away after a short battle with cancer. Grandpa was in his 90’s but had been healthy as a horse until only a short time before he passed. I remember going to the grocery store and there was grandpa at the self-check-out trying to figure it out. So, his funeral was sometime in 2017 but, like I said, the barrage of death and grieving had become such a blur I don’t actually remember the month.

I’m sorry grandpa.

Last Christmas, my husband’s brother was in the hospital again, after four and a half years of fighting multiple myeloma. Cancer, again. He was in the hospital for a few days and while we were visiting him he let us know that the doctors told him there was nothing else they could do. He would be starting hospice when he got home. He went home a couple of days later and that day we met with a funeral director and made his final arrangements. He was feeling alright and was with us to make all of the decisions. He cried a lot and told us that he didn’t want to die.

We prayed, we cried, we tried to laugh. The next day he passed.

Through all of this I’ve had my girlfriends to talk to, to cry with, and I don’t know what I would have done without them. Unfortunately, I now have to find out what I will do without one of them. Last Friday, August 17, 2018, one of my dear friends and the girl I could talk to about anything, passed away. As I write this I am waiting for her memorial service in a few days.

I don’t know when, or if, this season of grief will end. I know there are some days that seem normal but most do not. But, I do know that through it all God is sovereign. When my brother-in-law passed, the family was there with him and I can’t describe the feeling of peace that was in the house. God was there. God was in control.

One of the people we lost was not saved, and this one hurts the most.

Genesis 18:25 “Will not the Judge of the earth do right?” is my comfort, but I also have a new conviction to share the good news of my Savior…I hope that you will too.

Didn’t Know I’d Find You Here-Guest Post by Caiti Mondragon

It’s not easy leaving my Dad. The visit part has gotten much easier, and although I hate to say it, pretty routine.  But, leaving? I don’t think that will ever get easier.

This weekend we went to see him and on the way home I had some time to think as everyone else was fast asleep.  I was thinking of the excitement that we all experience when we visit…and then it’s time to leave and so many of the original emotions flood my mind. I get angry wondering why this happened. I get sad and feel sorry for everyone involved. I want to shut down.

I never knew I’d find myself here. I never knew I’d be the daughter of an inmate. I never knew that my kids would know what it’s like to go through security to visit a prison. I never knew I would sit in a room full of families, just like mine, visiting their loved ones. I never knew the hurt that could fill a room. I never knew the pain I would feel to hear my youngest ask why Grandpa never comes to visit us. It hurts. And, although leaving will never get any easier, there is now a peace in my heart. There are many things that I never knew I would experience in my life, but…

What I do know, is God has met me here. Every single feeling, God has felt with me. Every tear I have cried, God has wiped away. Throughout every part of this chapter of my life, He has been there right alongside me as each page has turned. It was in the darkest and saddest point in my life that I felt God more than ever. The part of my life where I found it difficult to get out of bed because I was so sad. The part of my life where I didn’t want to answer the phone because I was embarrassed. The part of my life where I was so afraid of what was going to happen to my family. He was there, and I know that now.

As I was driving and thinking, a song called “Find You Here” came on the radio and I couldn’t help but just cry and be thankful for everything He has done in my life. My Dad being sent to prison was never about me, and I’m not trying to make it be…but, going through this, God has shown me things about myself that I never even knew existed. The part of my life where I realized the importance of grace? Again, he met me there.

So, whatever storm you are going through, He is with you. It might be the last place that you’d ever think He’d be…but He’s there. You just have to look…and listen.

“It’s not the news that any of us hoped that we would hear
It’s not the road we would have chosen, no
The only thing that we can see is darkness up ahead
But You’re asking us to lay our worry down and sing a song instead

And I didn’t know I’d find You here
In the middle of my deepest fear, but
You are drawing near
You are overwhelming me, with peace
So I’ll lift my voice and sing
You’re gonna carry us through everything
You are drawing near
You’re overwhelming all my fears, with peace

You say that I should come to You with everything I need
You’re asking me to thank You even when the pain is deep
You promise that You’ll come and meet us on the road ahead
And no matter what the fear says, You give me a reason to be glad.”

We Found a Church

Greetings to everyone.  My name is David Flores, Jr., and my wife Jana and I are members of Mosaic Church.  We have been attending Mosaic for the last 9 years.  When Jana and I met, we were both attending different churches in the Greeley area.  Then, we got married and decided to find a church together.  We thought had we found a church home that we attended for about a year, but then my brother Angel started Mosaic, and soon we found ourselves visiting on several occasions.

While still attending our home church, I knew in the bottom of my heart that one day we would be a part of my brother’s church.  While I was careful to never voice this feeling to Jana, as I was not wanting to tilt the scales in Mosaic’s favor, I decided to let Angel’s unique style be the deciding factor.  One Sunday afternoon while driving home after a service at our then home church, Jana mentioned something.  She said that while she rather enjoyed our then home church, she was beginning to prefer my brother’s services.  We spoke at length because I didn’t want the fact that he was my brother to muddy the waters because I know how important a church is to the structure of a home environment.  Soon after this discussion, we were attending Mosaic on a regular basis.  Not only is my brother a true man of God, he is a powerful and engaging speaker.

Have our lives been full of bliss since we made this decision? No. We are normal people who have normal problems just like anyone in our situation.  To make matters worse, we are a true example of the new American family.  We are a blended family of his, hers and ours together. Between the two of us, we have 7 children.  Our lives are full of trials and tribulations which at times can create an organized chaos that has become our new normal.

Growing up in a Christian home, I was more accustomed to this “Mosaic” style of church.  Jana on the other hand did not grow up in the church.  Her family attended church once a year on Easter Sunday.  When we met, she was Catholic, which was a fulfilment of her first marriage which obviously ended in divorce.  So, finding a church was somewhat challenging.  Switching after only a year together proved to be quite another animal.

While I do not consider myself a social butterfly, I do find it rather easy to engage in conversation at Mosaic. Whether that person is a friend or a stranger, walking up to someone and striking up a conversation is easy.  Jana always teases me when I get done making rounds at church by saying, “Are you done shaking hands and kissing babies?” Deep down inside, I don’t do it for me. I do it to find that one person who finds it difficult to do this on their own.  In my humble opinion, this (in a way) forces other people to come out of their shyness shell.

In 2016, I decided that we needed to get more involved in the Mosaic family.  I wanted Jana to feel at home in our new church.  Typically, when service was over, we mingled just a bit.  What I began to realize was that we were mingling with just the members of my family. Why? Because Jana found it difficult to make new friends.  She needed to come out of her own shell.  What better way to get involved than to sign up for a Connect Group?  Once again, I didn’t do this for my sake, I did it purposely to get Jana to meet other people.  We signed up for our first Connect group which met on Monday nights at a couple’s home.  They opened their home to couples as well as their children for a weekly potluck and a few hours of games and light conversation.

Jana began making new acquaintances and more importantly, friends within the Mosaic circle.  This proved to be so successful that we agreed to open our own home and offered the same thing for couples and their children the following semester.  Jana is not only finding her “friend” circle growing, she also decided to begin using her natural talents (she is a teacher) to begin helping in the children’s church area as a Sunday School Teacher.  You can call me the ultimate Puppet Master.

DavidfloresChances are, your story is much different than ours, but that doesn’t matter. We want you to become a part of this as well.  I’d like to invite you to attend a service and look around.  We are a unique community of believers.  Are we perfect? The simple answer to that question is a resounding NO.  We are a body of people looking for that small fulfillment that is missing from each one of our lives.  In the coming weeks, we will begin our signups for our Fall Connect Groups.  Look around at what each table is offering.  Maybe you’d like to join a group that, like us, is offering a potluck dinner and an evening of conversation.  Someone may be offering a bible study group to have coffee and getting into God’s word.  Perhaps you might even enjoy joining a group of men AND or women who enjoy watching mixed martial arts-Wings, pizza, and combat fighting.  You never know what each table has to offer.  Take a chance and sign up.  You never know… you may end up enjoying it so much that like Jana and I, you may open your home for the next semester.

We are a people of doubters and we have struggles just like everyone else.  While it may appear that we have everything in order, we don’t.  We fall short each day.  The truth about the human condition is that nobody is perfect.  Nobody is flawless.  Nobody is faultless.  We are all sinners who continue to sin and fall victim to this insane world that we live in.  So, don’t let the smoke and mirrors of our lives fool you that we are perfect and untouchable.  We are nobody special. We just wear good makeup (well not really because I don’t, but you get my drift).  Once again, who are we?

We are people who try to make this community better each day.  We are retail workers, teachers, electricians, principals, administrators, plumbers, painters, bankers, firefighters, police officers, nurses, roofers, cementers, brick layers, housewives, househusbands, full-time students, cake makers, musicians, business owners, probation officers, leaders of the community, city employees, county employees, state employees, insurance agents, estimators, farmers, fence builders, welders, bull riders, car salesmen, oil workers, gas workers, retired persons and plenty other occupations that are too numerous to mention.  In other words, we are you. Your spouse. Your children. Your parents. Your family.  Come be a part of a growing community with the one goal of making each other a better person.

While I may not make a hole in one every time I play golf, if I can land on the green, I know I am close.  Once again, my name is David Flores, Jr.  Come visit us and make sure to come shake my hand and tell me your name.  Oh, and feel free to invite me to lunch!!

Building A Masterpiece-Guest Post by Houstan Aragon

 

When you hear the word Masterpiece it invokes a certain image to everyone, and that image can be vastly different from person to person. The experts say that when you study something for 6 years you will obtain a Master’s degree in any number of fields in education. According to Webster’s dictionary  a masterpiece/s is a work of outstanding artistry, skill or workmanship–An artist or craftsman’s best piece of work. Well this got me thinking about all the factors that go into a masterpiece; having a Godly gift, patience, perseverance, humility, diligence and discipline for a great period of time while continuing to ever so slightly tweak the process so that the next time it becomes easier.

Thinking of doing all of these principles and how you then begin to apply them to the many facets of life; I believe the bottom line is change. I’m sure that we have all heard that the one thing in life that is constant is change, and as oxy moronic as it sounds, it is absolutely true. If you are not doing at least one thing every day to better yourself from the day before than in essence you are going to fall behind. Which brings me to the beginning of this year of 2018. In lieu of setting another New Year’s Resolution that I will mostly not accomplish, I chose to focus on one word and using that word in all the aspects of my life for the betterment of myself and those around me. The word I chose was Change.

   Recently I feel there has been a lot of transition happening in my life, and I feel like I am not on solid ground as I have been taking on great challenges that have been earned and bestowed upon me. The way I see it, I can either rise to meet those challenges or I can succumb to my fear of doubt, fear of regret, and fear of not being good enough to handle these new and scary responsibilities while knowing all my failures and short comings from my past.

Here are a few things that I have gained from the Lord and His word:

  • The regret of doing or not doing, the failures you’re holding onto: God can take those experiences and teach you wisdom.
  • The pain that cuts you to your core when you feel that you have let yourself or others down and the disappointment that comes with that: God can and will use that you draw you closer and closer to Him.
  • Your life is never too messy for God, as He is our maker. The things in your life you feel ashamed of, how broken you may feel at the ugliest of moments are the exact things that God will use to mold you into precisely who you are meant to be and that is what make you, YOU! It is the parts of a tapestry of those experiences that makes each of us works of art.unnamed

When we bring our messes, mistakes and insecurities to Him and go all in, laying it all down before Him, He can then make us into His perfect masterpiece.

I thank you Heavenly Father, which you have taken my messes and transformed them into such beauty. Doing Your work in our lives with intention, much as a craftsman does to perfect each work into a Masterpiece.

Psalm 51:10 “Create in me a pure Heart, oh God, and renew a steadfast spirit with in me.”

Confession of a Spiritual Gangsta-Guest Post by Mario Aragon

Here is something I’ve learned about being a Christian; it’s not easy.

In fact, God promises it will be hard. The more you try to have a relationship with God, the more the enemy will attack you.

One of the greatest tools the enemy will use is isolation and lies. He will make you feel alone in your struggle and your problems. He will tell you that you are the only one with this problem and no one will care. However, this cannot be farther from the truth. Don’t let your isolation consume you. REACH out, trust in our Heavenly Father.
We at Mosaic are here for you. We are a family and we are going through this crazy life together. Don’t let the lies of the enemy take root in your life because you are loved. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Most of all, you are not alone. We all struggle with something.

Let me be vulnerable for a moment: I struggle with anxiety. In fact, as I write this I have read, erased, and retyped it many times. My mind is telling me that no one will care about what I have to say. Every time I step into church or teach kids in kids church I often wonder why God chose me for this.  I’m definitely not qualified for it. I struggle with this but I’m glad I have my Mosaic family there for me. I have a wonderful wife, family, friends, and above all I have a great and mighty God that constantly reminds me that I am worthy and I am not alone.

If you need a friend or someone to talk to know I’m here for you. Most importantly you have God. He is always with you even when you feel the loneliest. Remember you are not alone in your struggles, problems with depression, or whatever. Stay strong and always keep on fighting!

31154248_10155942400792702_7598173342809456640_n